In this week’s newsletter I outline how Fresh Earth Farms is going to strike it big! But first a couple of announcements.
Still taking orders. Tell all your friends!
Still selling add-on shares. How about some fruit, eggs, coffee, flowers, and plants to go with your veggies?
I was quoted in a recent story about egg prices in the Minnesota Star Tribune this week (um, when did it become the Minnesota Star Tribune?). Check it out — or not.
Now onto my latest money making scheme.
Money Making Scheme News
If there is one overriding adage of farming it is the following: if you want to make a small fortune in farming start with a large fortune. It certainly isn’t the most lucrative career. There hasn’t been a farmer on the Presidential inaugural stage since Jimmy Carter was sworn in. But as we’ve seen, there are lots of opportunities for wealthy, high tech executives to attend inaugurations. And who doesn’t want to sit through a Presidential inauguration?
So, after much deliberation, I have devised my way to make it to the big stage. And this is to create a new cryptocurrency. I hear its like printing money! Ok, not really. It is paperless so kind of the exact opposite of printing. Anyway, I haven’t figured out all the details like how to do it but I’ve come up with the more important details, like the name.
And isn’t that the hardest part? What to call it. It’s like having a baby. The hardest part is coming up with the name. The rest is easy, no? (Spoken by a man who has never given birth) Anyway, so, so many possibilities. My first inclination is to use the name CABBAGE. Since I am old it seems like a good old timey gangster name for money. How could using a Mafia term for money steer you wrong? Then I thought, why not CELERY. That’s kind of a new timey gangsta name for money. Could bring in more of the young crypto-folks. Maybe BEANS for all the CPAs out there. Plus apparently the term also comes from South America where many centuries ago they used cacao beans as a form of currency. LETTUCE also works as does KALE. So many choices!
At the end of the day (why do we use this expression even when the decision didn’t come at the end of the day?) I decided to go with LETTUCE. Everyone likes LETTUCE and not everyone likes CABBAGE or KALE (you really just need a good recipe like the one at the bottom of this newsletter). And if I understand the crypto market correctly (which being a farmer may not be a good hypothesis), the only thing that is important to its success is for people to like it. There is nothing else backing it. No gold. No country. No cacao beans. Just blind trust. And who doesn’t trust LETTUCE. So LETTUCE it is. And for the symbol let’s go with LETC (pronounced “Let’s see”).
Now it seems that most cryptos “mine” new coins. Too environmentally damaging for me. There is the toxic waste, the ground water contamination, the great big hole where nothing can grow. I’m against it. So here is where my coin differs from standard crypto-coins. To “mint” new LETC coins you have to “farm” them. That’s right. You want in on LETC get your hoes out and start hoeing.
Also unlike “mined” crypto where there is a finite amount of coins to mine, “farmed” crypto is unlimited. You can grow as much LETC as you possibly can (now do you see how you can make a small fortune?). Need more LETC? Plant more LETTUCE SEEDS. (LETTUCE SEEDS are to LETTUCE as pennies are to the dollar). How do you get LETC SEEDS? Buy some, or for greater profit, let some of your LETC go to seed! But of course if you let your LETC go to SEED you have lost all the value of that LETC coin. LETC that has gone to seed is bitter and except for the LETC SEEDS is worthless. But, there are a lot of LETC SEEDS in each LETC so you can in theory multiply your LETC coins exponentially!
As everyone knows — and as I mentioned earlier in this newsletter — farming isn’t easy. So unlike these other coins where all you really have to do is dig in the virtual dirt to mine some coins, farming LETC is going to be far more challenging. And by making it challenging we make it more valuable! Who doesn’t want their crypto to be more valuable? That’s the whole point. Step 1 – “Farm” crypto. Step 2 – Have it go up in price. Step 3 – Make money. It’s as simple as that.
If you farm LETC you’ll discover that at first it seems easy. The LETC SEEDS germinate well, the plants grow quickly, the weeds are manageable. But then, once you think they are about the right size to harvest (which is when you get block-chained or something) a deer comes along and takes a bite out of each head of LETC. Now you have no LETC and are out your initial investment. Seems quite crypto-ish! But fear not! You can buy a new crypto called FENCING. If you have FENCING you can protect your next planting of LETC and then become the crypto billionaire you always wanted to be!
So you buy some FENCING tokens and more LETC SEEDS to replant. You surround your baby plants with your FENCING crypto and diligently keep the weeds down. Then, the day before you are ready to harvest (like I said, this is when you get block chained) a bunch of rabbits come along and take a bite out of each head of LETC and you lose the crop. “Hey, I had a FENCING token. How did the rabbits eat my LETC?” Well, you should have bought a RABBIT FENCING token. You bought the DEER FENCING token which works with deer but doesn’t keep rabbit out. Live and learn!
Finally, you buy more LETC SEEDS. You plant them. Have you DEER FENCING and RABBIT FENCING tokens. You weed them. You even buy a few FERTILIZER tokens even though it will eat into your profit. Everything is going great. Time to block-chain (or something like that). Oops, the weather turned unseasonably hot and they all went to SEED and now the heads are worthless. Oh well. At least you don’t have to buy new LETC SEEDS. But, you also missed the window for planting because now it is too hot to farm LETC. Maybe next year.
“Seems like farming LETC is incredibly difficult. How do you expect to make a small fortune Farmer Chris?” Great question. I make my money by selling the initial LETC SEEDS, FERTILIZER, DEER FENCING, RABBIT FENCING and a myriad other new crypto-coins. I make a fortune, and you get to dream you will soon be rich like me — until you realize farming LETC is not a lucrative business and you just lost your retirement fund. Win, win in my book!
And for those of you who manage to block chain your LETC, I forgot to mention that the LETC will rot if you don’t consume it quickly enough — and once consumed it is worthless; either way it has a finite time in which it is valuable. So if you can sell it to some unsuspecting person before it rots and loses its value you come out ahead! And isn’t that exactly how all cryptocurrency works?
So get in now while I still have LETC SEEDS.
And as always, do not hesitate to send in your questions, comments, suggestions, LETC SEED orders or regular old VeggieShare orders.