This week we translate the newsletter into several different languages for our international clientele. Let’s start with the announcements.
We just added Haskell’s on Ford Pkwy as a new drop site. We will deliver there on Thursdays. Get your veggies and booze all in one stop! Spread the word!
Here is how ChatGPT thinks Daria would say the previous paragraph:
In Daria’s dry, deadpan tone:
“We’ve added Haskell’s on Ford Pkwy as a new drop site. We’ll deliver there on Thursdays. Now you can get your veggies and booze in one stop. How convenient. Spread the word, if you must.”
We are still taking orders for everything we sell. Just to make sure everyone knows what all we sell, let me fill you all in on the details. Of course we have our VeggiesShares for both on-farm and delivery. If you haven’t ordered your VeggieShare please do so soon! We also have FruitShare which provides delicious, certified organic fruit that we can’t grow here ourselves. A great compliment to our VeggieShare. For those of you looking for eggs, we have EggShare! These are certified organic chicken eggs from free-ranging hens. Quite tasty and at a reasonable price! And what would go better with your morning breakfast of fresh fruit and scrambles eggs than a nice cup of Joe from our CoffeeShare! We have many different flavored and unflavored coffees along with decaffeinated for those who prefer to remain decaffeinated.
Here is ChatGPT’s version of this last paragraph written for the teenage reader:
Yo, we’re still taking orders for everything we’ve got. Just so y’all know what we’re offering, here’s the rundown. First up, we’ve got VeggieShares, available for both pickup on the farm or delivery. If you haven’t grabbed yours yet, you better do it soon! We also have FruitShare, which is organic fruit we can’t grow ourselves but it’s super yummy and a perfect sidekick to your VeggieShare. If you’re into eggs, we’ve got EggShare—organic, free-range eggs that are legit and not overpriced. And, let’s be real, what’s better than a cup of coffee to go with your fruit and scrambled eggs? We’ve got CoffeeShare with a bunch of different flavors (and decaf if you’re trying to chill). Grab yours before it’s too late!
And of course, you can always put some delicious, savory, organic mushrooms in your scrambled eggs! These aren’t your usual button mushrooms but more of the exotic mushrooms like lion’s mane and hen of the woods. And wouldn’t you like to have some delicious, sheep’s milk cheese with your morning breakfast or perhaps as part of a charcuterie board. Yum! You’ll need some flowers for the table as well so don’t forget FlowerShare! And for those cold winter months it is nice to have some extra potatoes, onions, shallots, winter squash and garlic on hand so why not add WinterShare? For those who like to raise a few plants you can order customized six-packs from us but please do so very soon. We have to have time to grow the plants.
Here is ChatGPT’s version for all our pirate readers:
Arr matey, ye can always toss some tasty, savory, organic mushrooms in yer scrambled eggs! These ain’t yer usual button mushrooms, but more like them exotic ones, like lion’s mane and hen of the woods. Aye, that’ll spice up yer brekkie! And what say ye to some fine sheep’s milk cheese to go with yer meal, or maybe ye fancy a charcuterie board? Arrr, that be a treat! Don’t forget yer flowers for the table, savvy? FlowerShare be the way to go! And when the winter winds blow cold, ye’ll be wantin’ some extra potatoes, onions, shallots, winter squash, and garlic on hand. Add ye WinterShare to keep yer pantry stocked! For ye green-thumbed landlubbers, ye can order custom six-packs of plants from us, but ye best hurry—there be time to grow ‘em! Get yer orders in before it’s too late!
If you pick-up at Ginkgo Coffeehouse, Ginkgo is offering a “Baked Goods” share. You can order it from our online store. Actually anyone can order it but it has to be picked up at Ginkgo on the third Thursday of the month.
I mentioned in my last newsletter that we are offering Fresh Earth Farms merchandise (e.g. tote bags, shirts, hoodies, etc.). As of now we used the stock photos from our supplier but would prefer to use our customers as models. So, if you purchase an item and want to be a model for the online store let me know. We can find a time when you are around (for on-farm pick-up it can be during your on-farm pick-up) to take a few pictures of you and your bussin drip, no cap. (Hey you younguns, did I use these terms correctly?)
Here is Chat GPT’s version if it was written by a valley girl:
Okay, like, if you pick up at Ginkgo Coffeehouse, they’re, like, offering this totally cute “Baked Goods” share. You can, like, order it from our online store, but, like, FYI, it has to be picked up at Ginkgo on the third Thursday of the month. Super chill, right?
Oh, and remember when I mentioned, like, Fresh Earth Farms merch in my last newsletter? We’re talking tote bags, shirts, hoodies, all that cute stuff. So, we used, like, stock photos from the supplier, but, like, honestly, we would much rather have YOU, our amazing customers, be the models! If you buy something and want to, like, totally slay in our online store, just let me know! We can, like, find a time to snap some pics of you lookin’ all fab in your new Fresh Earth drip. If you’re, like, coming for your on-farm pick-up, we can do it then. No cap. (Like, did I totally nail it with those terms? Is that how the kids are talking these days?)
Now onto this week’s Farm News.
Farm News
Other than getting kicked out of my Signal chat group, there is nothing exciting going on here at the farm. We have had our first big sign of Spring — the emergence of this season’s garlic plants! Seeing something green and edible in the field is always a hopeful sign that winter is coming to an end. There is still plenty of time for snow and cold weather but at least we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
This is ChatGPT’s translation as if it was written by Latka Gravas from Taxi. Doesn’t sound like him at all if you ask me. Maybe ChatGPT doesn’t know who Latka Gravas is? Did I stump ChatGPT?
Oh, hey hey! So, uh, other than, you know, getting kicked out of my Signal chat group (very sad, very sad, don’t talk to me about it!), there is not so much excitement on the farm right now. But, wait! Something big happened, you won’t believe it! We had our first big sign of Spring – ta-da! the garlic plants! Oh, very exciting, yes! To see something green and edible, it’s like… it’s like hope, you know? It’s telling us winter is, uh, maybe, just maybe, coming to an end! Of course, don’t get too excited! There’s still time for snow and the cold, oh yes, but at least now, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. thumbs up It’s a good sign, my friend!
In the greenhouse we have planted a whole range of plants. Up until this past week I think everything we’ve planted would be considered a cool season crop — a crop that is at least somewhat frost tolerant — except I guess for the super hot peppers that we grow in pots. But this week we planted our slicing tomatoes! For those of you who grow your own plants from seed, be aware that we plant our tomatoes earlier than I would recommend you plant yours because we graft our tomatoes to more vigorous, disease tolerant rootstock. This adds a couple weeks to the process of growing tomatoes transplants. But hopefully it makes them more disease resistant and provides for a longer, more productive season.
Also since our last newsletter we’ve planted in the greenhouse Swiss chard, beets (yes we transplant beets. It isn’t easy but it is the only way to get them up to a size the deer find attractive enough to devour), lettuce, rosemary, fennel and kohlrabi. This week we will plant eggplants, peppers, and a second round of broccoli. Speaking of Swiss chard, we appear to have a few mice who like chard seeds more than peanut butter. Go figure. How do they know where to find the seeds? Is it smell? Seeds don’t smell that much do they? Anyway, I thought they’d go for the peanut butter I set out first but no go. But once I put the flats under our patent-pending rodent protector they seem to find the peanut butter more tasty. Soon we should have no more rodent problems. *eye-roll emoji*.
Here is ChatGPT’s version written as a rap song:
Yo, in the greenhouse, we got plants galore,
Planted up a storm, yeah, we always want more.
Cool season crops, frost-tolerant vibe,
Except for the peppers, they hot, they thrive!
This week, yo, we planted them slicing tomatoes,
Grafted to the rootstock, yeah, that’s how we roll, yo.
We plant ’em early, but don’t you stress,
We do it right, for that disease resistance, yes!Now, hold up, let me tell you what else we did,
Swiss chard, beets, lettuce, we stay so legit.
Beets get transplanted, hard work, no doubt,
Deer like ’em big, so we make ’em sprout.
Rosemary, fennel, and kohlrabi in the mix,
Got all kinds of greens, yo, that’s the fix!
This week, we plant eggplants and peppers too,
Broccoli’s coming next, we’re all about that crew!Speaking of Swiss chard, here’s a funny little fact,
Mice love those seeds more than peanut butter, that’s a fact!
How do they know where the seeds be at?
Is it the smell? I ain’t even mad.
I thought they’d go for the peanut butter first,
But nah, they went straight for the seeds, it’s the worst.
But now we got the rodent protector on deck,
Soon those mice won’t even know what’s next!
Eye-roll emoji—we got this under control, no fret!
And finally we completed one of the one-time projects — those projects we hope to do only once and never again. We installed a new water heater and in the process did a bit of configuration to our water supply system. We can now turn on and off all the different water pipes as necessary if in the future we have to replace a broken part. One thing I’ve learned over the years is that it is far easier to build things from scratch than to retrofit a past system to be used in a new system.
Finally here is ChapGPT’s interpretation of that last paragraph as if Beavis and Butt-head were conversing:
Beavis: laughs Heh-heh, so, like, we finally finished one of those, uh, one-time projects, yeah. You know, the ones you do once and then, like, NEVER AGAIN, huh-huh.
Butt-Head: snickers Yeah, dude, we, uh, installed a new water heater. Heh-heh. That’s like, way cooler than the old one.
Beavis: Heh-heh, yeah! And, uh, while we were at it, we, like, messed with the water system. Now we can, like, turn the water on and off wherever we need, dude.
Butt-Head: laughs Yeah, that way if something breaks, we can fix it, like, without, uh, blowing stuff up. snorts
Beavis: Heh-heh, I’ve learned one thing for sure, Butt-Head—it’s way easier to just, like, build something new instead of trying to make some old junk work. laughs
Butt-Head: Yeah, like, trying to fix old stuff is, like, harder than, uh, doing nothing. Heh-heh.
Beavis: Heh-heh, yeah, uh, retrofitting stuff sucks.
Joke of the Week
What is a pirate’s favorite vegetable?
Corn, because it’s a buck an ear.
or
Arrrtichoke
Or
Arrrugula
What is a pirate’s least favorite vegetable?
Leeks
As always, do not hesitate to send in questions, comments, suggestions, orders or anything else you think I’d find interesting. And feel free to send it in in whatever voice you think is most appropriate.