This Newsletter is rated R – Restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian. Contains adult themes, graphic violence and graphic sexual situations. Reader discretion is advised.
I was out of inspiration earlier today. I have been writing newsletters for going on eight years now and I feel like I have just about maxed out on all things farm. So what does one do when one is out of inspiration? Much like trouble, you go out looking for it. And I found it. In fact I found both – Inspiration and Trouble.
What I found is not pretty. What I did was even less pretty. In fact, what I did was what gave this newsletter the first R-rating in the history of Fresh Earth Farms newsletters. Let me clarify this a bit for those who are worried about my involvement in the “graphic sexual situations” part of the rating. That particular part of the rating was based on what I saw and filmed – actually I just took pictures. This was true of the adult themes part as well. However, the graphic violence was all my own. And boy was it cathartic!
What I found were squash bugs! These are one of the two scourges of squash plants, the other being cucumber beetles. Squash bugs are worse in my opinion since they can eat squash plants faster than they can grow. Makes the life of a squash plant very stressful.
Those members who have been with us for a few years may recall one of my organic methods for dealing with squash bugs. But before I get into it let me fill you in a little about these pests. First, squash bugs are a lot like teenagers – you find them in large packs appearing to be doing nothing at all. Though this is what it looks like, it is actually not true. They may seem like they are doing nothing but in reality they are absorbing all food within several feet of where they are standing. For proof go into the fridge after a crowd of teens walks through your kitchen – empty. Squash bugs are EXACTLY the same. They look like they are just hanging around but come back in a day and the leaf they were hanging on looks like it was lit on fire – all charred.
Also like teenagers they seem to be climbing all over each other. I think at this stage of a squash bugs life it is just that – climbing. I don’t think they are sexually mature enough yet, but I didn’t get that close.
So, here we have large groups of teens, er, squash bugs hanging around doing nothing but eating. What is a farmer to do? Well, I get out the big guns. Since we grow organically, and squash bugs use all organic pesticides as cologne or perfume, there is really nothing in our pesticide arsenal that can effectively treat a squash bug infestation. So we resort to non-pesticide treatment. In our case we use a propane torch.
That’s right. We flame them. And flame them hard. Sure it may damage or kill the leaf. But it would have been destroyed anyway. But my flaming method also kills the squash bugs. It is a non-contact approach to bug management. You only have to get it close for the bugs to perish.
Let’s go to the tape to see the results. First, here is a before shot:
Notice how the squash bugs are climbing over each other. They are all upright. And the most interesting part is that this was a three minute film of them; they don’t move! Why do they eat so much if they don’t move? One of the many mysteries of nature.
Here is a shot after I flamed them:
Again notice how they don’t move. But in this case it is because they are dead. Some have rolled over. Some popped from the heat (ew, did I just write that?) The result is a few less bugs eating our plants.
Here is a picture of two adult squash bugs fornicating. (We include this picture solely for the purposes of receiving an R-rating as it has been shown that R-rated newsletters do far better at the box office than PG-rated newsletters):
These two died happy…
And finally here is a shot of our tool of choice:
The nice thing about this type of torch is it has a trigger. When you want flame you squeeze the trigger. When the trigger is released the flame goes out. Why is this important? Well much like teenagers at a kegger, squash bugs scatter at the first sign of trouble. This trigger allows me to sneak up on the squash bugs without them noticing.
Anyway, this is our approach to controlling squash bugs. It isn’t 100% effective but it does a good enough job to get the plants to produce squash. And the effect on a farmer’s mental health is immeasurable!
Speaking of keggers, what is on tap for this week? Well there are things we have to harvest or they’ll go bad and there are things that we could harvest if we choose to. Of course all the have-to things will be on this week’s menu. These include tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, eggplants, summer squash, zucchini, cucumbers, sweet corn, green beans, yellow beans, cauliflower and broccoli. Then there are things we could harvest like cabbage, basil, swiss chard, kale, fennel (though this could move to the have-to category soon) and onions. Another category are things that are almost gone and should be given out but there may not be many of them like kohlrabi and beets. And then there is the final category: things I’ve forgotten about. These include, hmm, I can’t remember. Anyway, suffice it to say that there are a lot of things this time of year and you’ll receive a bunch of it this week.
FruitShare
We have cherries coming this week! Yay!! Plan to pick them up at your usual place and time.
CheeseShare
We have cheese coming this week! Yay!! Plan to pick it up at your usual place and time.
MeatShare
We have meat coming this week! Yay!! It will be here Friday. Plan to pick it up at the farm during our usual pick-up times (M, W and F 3:30 to 6:30 or Th 9:30 to 11:30 am)
And just to calm everyone down from all the violence shown in this week’s newsletter I am including a picture or our favorite pest, the black swallowtail butterfly.
As always, feel free to contact me with questions, comments, concerns, jokes, brain teasers, $20 bills or other things of importance or irrelevance.