With all the talk about cancelling Dr. Seuss I thought I would remind you that this wasn’t the first time one of his works was cancelled. How many remember the original, vegan version of Green Eggs and Ham — Green Beans and Chard. That’s right. Once Big Meat heard about the good Dr. promoting a healthy vegetarian diet they pressured his publisher to force him to rewrite the original and the result is the ham-version we all grew up with. However I have recently uncovered the original vegan version and have transcribed it below. Without further ado, here you go. Just one last ado, don’t forget to order your veggie shares if you haven’t already! Ok, no more ados…
I ard Gerard
Gerard I ard
That Gerard-I-ard!
That Gerard-I-ard!
I do not like that Gerard-I-ard!
Do you like green beans and chard?
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
I do not like green beans and chard.
Would you like them here or there?
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them anywhere.
I do not like green beans and chard.
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Would you like them in a greenhouse?
Would you like them with a green mouse?
I do not like them in a greenhouse.
I do not like them with a green mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green beans and chard.
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Would you eat them in a French horn?
Would you eat them with some sweet corn?
Not in a horn. Not with some corn.
Not in a greenhouse. Not with a green mouse.
I would not eat them here or there.
I would not eat them anywhere.
I would not eat green beans and chard.
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Would you? Could you? With a pea?
Eat them! Eat them! Here they be.
I would not, could not, with a pea.
You may like them. You will see.
You may like them with broccoli!
I would not, could not with broccoli.
Not with a pea! You let me be.
I do not like them in a horn.
I do not like them with sweet corn.
I do not like them in a greenhouse.
I do not like them with a green mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere.
I do not like green beans and chard.
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Some kale! Some kale!
Some kale! Some kale!
Could you, would you with some kale?
Not with some kale! Not with broccoli!
Not with a pea! Gerard Let me be!
I would not, could not, in a horn.
I could not, would not, with sweet corn.
I will not eat them with a green mouse.
I will not eat them in a greenhouse.
I will not eat them here or there.
I will not eat them anywhere.
I do not like green beans and chard.
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Say! In the dirt? Here in the dirt!
Would you, could you, in the dirt?
I would not, could not, in the dirt.
Would you, could you, in the hail?
I would not, could not, in the hail.
Not in the dirt. Not with some kale.
Not with a pea. Not with broccoli.
I do not like them, Gerard, you see.
Not in a greenhouse. Not in a French horn.
Not with a green mouse. Not with some sweet corn.
I will not eat them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!
You do not like green beans and chard?
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
Could you, would you, in the wash?
I would not, could not, in the wash!
Would you, could you, with some squash?
I could not, would not, with some squash.
I will not, will not, in the wash.
I will not eat them in the hail.
I will not eat them with some kale.
Not in the dirt! Not with broccoli!
Not with a pea! You let me be!
I do not like them in a horn.
I do not like them with sweet corn.
I will not eat them in a greenhouse.
I do not like them with a green mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!
I do not like green beans and chard!
I do not like them, Gerard-I-ard.
You do not like them. So you say.
Try them! Try them! And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.
Gerard! If you will let me be,
I will try them. You will see.
Say! I like green beans and chard!
I do! I like them, Gerard-I-ard!
And I would eat them in the wash.
And I would eat them with some squash.
And I will eat them in the hail.
And in the dirt. And with some kale.
And with a pea. And with broccoli.
They are so good, so good, you see!
So I will eat them in a horn.
And I will eat them with sweet corn.
And I will eat them in a greenhouse.
And I will eat them with a green mouse.
And I will eat them here and there.
Say! I will eat them anywhere!
I do so like green beans and chard!
Thank you! Thank you, Gerard-I-ard!