With the farm work ramping up I’m starting to run out of time to write these newsletters. So this week I am bringing in a replacement. I’ve relinquished the task to someone who has a way with words. So without further ado, I give you Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump.
Thank You. You’re honored to have me write this email. First a few very, very, very important announcements.
Potato planting party Sunday April 24th. This event will be HUGE! I’ve never been to a potato planting party but I have many friends who have been and they’ve said it’s spectacular. It’s an amazing day. Amazing. It starts at 2:00 but frankly if I were running this event we’d start much, much earlier. It ends at 4:00 or whenever we finish planting the potatoes. I know if my people were planting we’d be done in no time. I have the world’s foremost experts in potato planting. And if I could be there – with the hands I have, my long, beautiful fingers – this would be done in an hour, probably less. But since I can’t you’ll have to come out, bring the kids – I love kids – and have an amazing time.
Payment for VeggieShares was due last month. There’s nothing I would rather do than get people to pay their bills. I know people who make a tremendous amount of money who have still not paid for their shares and I think that is unfair. I’m a big, big fan of vegetables and nobody loves vegetables more than me and Fresh Earth Farms grows great vegetables. Tremendous veggies. So get your payments in.
The deadline for ordering SeafoodShare – and who doesn’t like seafood – is April 15th. I’m smart. My IQ is one of the highest – you all know it. It is smart to eat sustainably harvested, wild Alaskan seafood from small boat fishermen and fisherwomen. I love fisherwomen. All fisherwomen love me. They all flirt with me. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are fisherwomen.
[Editor’s note: This may have been a HUGE mistake]
An extremely creditable source has told me that Fresh Earth Farms is still taking orders for all their 2016 shares (Veggies, Meat, Cheese, Fruit, Eggs, Coffee,Ice Cream, Herbs, FlowerShare and Bread). I have fabulous friends who have ordered shares from Fresh Earth Farms. They’ve all said “they’re amazing”. I’m a huge believer in organic foods. I have a great relationship with local foods. This is a terrific way to get both. Tell your friends.
Farm News
This season will be amazing. Fresh Earth Farms does amazing things with vegetables. The tomatoes are HUGE. You want amazing vegetables? Fresh Earth Farms has amazing vegetables.
I use many tomatillos in recipes. I’ve gotten a lot of credit for that, I mean, I have so many tomatillo recipes and so many delicious tomatillo recipes.
One of the things with zucchini – and I’m a big fan of zucchini, by the way; I have many, many friends who like zucchini; I cook with zucchini – but, that, if it over produces we have to eat it. You have to eat it.
Deer are another huge problem at Fresh Earth Farms. Deer are pouring across our southern border. We need to strengthen our southern border. I’m going to build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build it inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border and make the deer pay for it…
[Editor’s Note: Yikes. Having The Donald write this newsletter was a huge, HUGE mistake! If you have any questions, comments or complaints feel free to contact me.]